Are you ready for this? Do you want to make your life easier, save money, save time, and save the planet for your children? There is a Very Easy Way to do this. Drum roll please. Boycott the Children’s Party Favor Bag. Do not, I repeat, do not hand out party favors at your child’s birthday party. Inevitably these gift bags contain everything that is wrong with the world today – tiny toxic pieces of disposable plastic crap invariably made in China. Can we just stop with the party favor bags? Kids should go to a party to have fun, not to bring home more junk for Mom and Dad to feel guilty disposing or for the dog to eat or the toddler to choke upon. Who came up with the idea of the party favor bag and how do I maim them?
If you feel you absolutely must give the little creatures something then nix the cheap plastic (yes, all of it, every last bit) and the plastic bags. Instead give them a colored paper bag with candy and stickers, or bubbles, or play doh, or a kite, or wildflower seeds, or a small plant, or crayons, or soap, or bubble bath, or heart shaped suet for birds (make your own, spend three days showing the other moms that you are superior to those lowly beings who buy from the store! That’ll teach ’em). I’d really rather see the whole party favor trend die a flaming death so Moms everywhere could use the time they save thinking about, shopping for, arranging and transporting said party favors, to drink margaritas with their friends. Starting today, Moms of the world you need to start a Pro-Margarita Anti-Party Favor Movement. If everyone stops the insanity, you can too!
While we’re at it, let’s Boycott Balloons. I admit, I’m a total party pooper on this one and a hypocrite because I’ve had them at my child’s parties. Just so you know, there is a drastically increasing amount of balloon pollution and it is choking our wildlife, especially the sea turtles. So if you want to save the turtles, you’ve got to get creative and use fun balloon alternatives. I know, I know, it isn’t a party until some kid loses his balloon and throws a bloodcurdling fit ending the party early so you can head off to Margaritaville.
If you must have balloons then at the very least, don’t release them and use twine or string which biodegrades, instead of the crinkle tie ribbons that take much longer to biodegrade. Crinkle tie is also responsible for many bird and other wildlife deaths because they get caught in the ribbon. Also, use the latex balloons which at least biodegrade in 4-6 months over the mylar balloons that won’t biodegrade in your child’s lifetime. The clerk at the store might look at you like you’re a freak, but ask for string or jute on the balloons. The kids won’t know the difference but the animals sure will.
Now you’re ready to party!